Let me start by saying that for several years I had had a suspicion that it might be harder than I wanted for me to have children. When I was in college (many years ago), I had started having weird "symptoms" with my periods. I'm not talking about the PMS crazies. I'm talking about cramping in less common spots (mostly my lower back down into my tailbone), hot flashes, worsening cramps, and almost passing out, just to hit the highlights. My cycles were still regular, and as a Biology major, I knew enough to know that as women age, the nature of our periods can change. After I graduated college, things got worse...the pain didn't necessarily get worse (although the job I had at the time screwed up my back to the point of 3 bulging discs), but now my blood sugar would bottom out and I often found myself literally crawling on my hands and knees to the bathroom. I started getting nausea with my pain, and it started moving from my back to my abdomen. My cycles also started to get closer together, then farther apart, then closer together.
I went to my primary care and he sent me to a Gynecologist, and after doing an exam and listening to my symptoms decided that birth control would help ease pretty much everything. I wasn't married, nor in a relationship at the time, so I went ahead and took the pills, and things did start to get a little better. I wasn't having the hot flashes, the blood pressure/blood sugar fluctuations, the nausea, or the intense gut-wrenching pain anymore. Things were looking up! That was my first clue that something wasn't quite right and that I might have a little trouble getting pregnant, but I was still very hopeful. After 3 months of taking the name-brand samples the doctor had given me, I went to have my prescription for my birth control filled at the pharmacy. Big mistake--the pharmacy filled it generically because that's what my insurance would cover. It took me 3 months to figure out that my symptoms were back because the formulation was just different enough to screw up my system. So I called and they gave me more name-brand samples and a specific name-brand prescription, but the damage was done. My body didn't respond to it anymore, and I found myself with worse pain and nausea than before I had been put on it. By this point I had met and was dating my now husband, and during this transition we got engaged (keep in mind that this is only about 6 months since I was initially put on birth control).
I went back in to the doctor for my annual exam and told her about how my body seemed to be rejecting even the name-brand bcp. She said that there were tons of different options, so we'd just change the drug. She put me on the patch....let me tell you, it was almost like night and day! Yay!!! Now I could live a somewhat "normal" life. Well, I had been on the patch about 2 months when I got married (yes, we met, got engaged, and married all within 10 months), and since we wanted to try to start having kids right away, I quit the patch. The doctor had assured me that it would be easier to get pregnant coming off the patch than the pills because of the way the hormones are delivered. Well, 3 months go by with no period, numerous negative pregnancy tests, weight gain, nausea, increased appetite..... The doctor (I now had a new primary care doc) ordered me an ultrasound--negative. So he sent me to an OB/GYN to have a consultation. I had a period before I could get in to see her, and I felt like I had been shot through the gut. I had never had that much pain in my life! The ER gave me some good drugs (I can't remember what they were) and told me that I had a UTI, so they gave me some antibiotics to go with the pain meds.
I went on like this for 18 months, visiting the ER every month (or every time I had a period) where they would give me IV pain meds, some nausea meds, and antibiotics for a UTI then send me home. I had switched jobs, I had lost all the weight that I had gained (20 pounds), and I was still not getting pregnant. My primary care doctor was getting tired of doing ER follow-ups, so he gave me a home prescription for Vicodin--talk about not trying to get to the root of the problem. When this happened, I was about a week away from my annual GYN appt, so when I told my OB/GYN about my newest prescription, she called and scheduled me for laproscopic surgery to "have a look around" to see if what she was suspecting was true.
Keep in mind that I was still having erratic and excruciatingly painful periods (the pain was to the point that I contemplated very seriously having a hysterectomy). I went through every doctor in 2 ERs between the time the painful periods started and the time I had surgery. After surgery, my doctor told me that it was amazing that I had gone so long without the horrible pain because of the amount of scar tissue she found in my abdomen. She also said that my diagnosis was endometriosis, despite her doubt that all the scar tissue was endometrial. (She told me that some was from my previous appendectomy 11 years prior.) Basically (this might get a little gross, but bear with me), I had a sheet of thick scar tissue that went from the top of my bowel to the top of my pelvis, and it was so tight that my insides were very compressed.
After surgery, some of my back pain went away, and I felt much better....until my next period, which sent me back to the ER, but we've concluded that was because it was only about 2 weeks after surgery and I was still recovering. I managed to get several months of less painful periods. About this time, we started having my husband tested for fertility issues and we were told that his sperm count was slightly low (after only one test--this is important to remember for later), so they sent him to a urologist who did all sorts of exams but could find no reason for his count to be so low. About 6 months after my surgery, my period arrived about a week early and I passed out at a play my younger brother-in-law was in--right in front of everyone. They rushed me to the tiny ER, where the doc gave me whatever pain med I asked for (sad that I have preferences?) and sent me on my way. Now I'm really struggling with the realization that I may never bear children of my own. A couple months after that incident, my husband receives orders to Okinawa, Japan, and we were a little elated--its called a "2-baby tour", everyone who leaves comes back with at least one extra (gotta work for us, right?). In the months before our move, my OB/GYN suggest I do a HSG (I can't quite remember the long name for it) where I have a dye injected through my cervix into my uterus and up through the Fallopian tubes during an x-ray to see if there are any blockages. Unfortunately, we were unable to get it scheduled before we moved.
I get overseas and discover that I am running out of my pain meds--let me stop here and tell you what type of treatment I was on for my endometriosis: I was taking an NSAID twice a day, every day, for at least the 2 weeks leading up to my (expected) period. This keeps me out of the ER every month. So I go in to my new doctor to discuss renewing my prescription--the base pharmacy here doesn't carry that drug, so I'm stuck with 800 mg of Ibuprofen (Motrin/Advil) 3 times a day....this can lead to all sorts of nasty things, such as liver/kidney damage and migraines (and I've never had a migraine before this last year). But its the only thing they can give me, and forget about getting Vicodin to have at home....And I'm once again sent to an OB/GYN to work out what to do. They also order another round of semen analysis for my husband. His analysis came back lower than the minimum normal count, but before he could be sent to the urologist again, he needed to have 3 consecutive low results (which they didn't do in the states). He averaged the same on each of those 3 tests--75% lower than what it was when he had first been tested 3 years previously. So he see the urologist, and again they can find no reason for his counts to be so low. Meanwhile, I have the privilege of going through the HSG procedure, where we discover that my right tube is blocked, but they won't go in and take care of the blockage because I could get pregnant with one open tube.
At my next appointment, my OB/GYN sat me down and we once again looked at the options available to me. (This is where it gets hard.) Our insurance won't cover anything more than what has already been done, and IVF in Japan (while cheaper) has only a 3% success rate. I could go back to the states, but then I'd be separated from my husband for the duration of the treatments, and even then, there is no guarantee of success with a healthy sperm count (and my husband's is less than barely optimal). We would be looking at the most expensive IVF procedure, and even then, a good fertility doc would insist on using donor sperm. I was flat-out told that my best chance to have a baby of my own would be to go back to the states and do IVF with donor sperm. Talk about a slap in the face. However, I could go back on any number of birth control options to manage my endometriosis symptoms without the liver damage and other side effects that come from long-term (we're talking 16 years at time of this post) use of NSAIDs. To say I was in tears is quite an understatement.
Several years ago, about a year into my marriage, I "let go" of the disappointment of infertility and made the choice to let the Lord handle it. But it wasn't until my husband's last deployment in 2010 when I prayed with such intensity (for many reasons, this just being one of them) that I truly gave it over to the Lord. Do I still get a yearning? Yes. Do I still feel a pang of jealousy when I see my friends having children? Yes. But I've learned to take my callings in the church (I just finished 5 years in Primary and now I'm in Cub Scouts), and the opportunities that I have to substitute teach and babysit as a way to fulfill my calling as a mother on this earth. We've talked a lot about adoption, and are weighing our options in that venue, but I try to enjoy doing things alone with my husband, in our little family. That doesn't mean that I don't want children or that I've given up on having them. It just means that I'm trying to let the Lord's plan play out in His own time, in His own way.
Many of the people I know/talk to struggle with PCOS, but there are many reasons for infertility--my husband and I just happen to be struggling with endometriosis and idiopathic (unexplained) male infertility. But we don't let it stop us--we keep trying to conceive and bless the lives of the children around us.
You are awesome. Much stronger than I. I am 51 years old. We tried for fifteen years to have children on our own. We struggled with the same things you and your husband have. I finally ended up having a hysterectomy. Mean while God saw fit to give us four beautiful adopted children. I wouldn't change a thing. I would go through it all again just to have them. They have blessed my life to no end.
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